Baby Steps

I drove on the highway today! I realize I didn't perform brain surgery, but I managed to drive about 16 miles on the highway without having a panic attack! You see... I suffer from sooo many irrational fears (vata trait), one of which is a fear of highway driving. I'm not exactly sure when this began. I remember as a small child being afraid on family road trips. I suppose that was because we traveled from Oklahoma to Miami via New York City in the back of a van on a futon, with no seat belts. This was back in the days when seat belts beyond the front were optional!

I have experienced random moments of bravery throughout my adult life, just not very often. I once drove to Arkansas for a business trip. The trip should not have taken more than 3 hours...it took me about 6. I had to stop every few miles to shake off the panic attacks. On another business trip I bi-passed the highway completely and drove 96 miles on back roads. It is really difficult for me to drive more than 15 miles in any direction. Usually after a couple of miles, my legs start to shake, my jaw clinches, my arms stiffen, my elbows lock and my eyes blink uncontrollably until I have to pull over. Not pretty! But today was different. Today I made the decision to go for that 16th mile. I started off feeling pretty confident, then traffic began to build and I felt my arms stiffen. I turned off the radio, took 3 deep breaths and kept going. As I began to approach I-40 (the scary part) I could feel my body pulling toward the nearest exit like a magnet. I took 3 more deep breaths and began chanting the only 2 mantras I know, OM & RAM. Amazingly, as I focused on the vibrations, I began to feel calm, my joints loosened up and I stopped blinking uncontrollably. I chanted for many miles, when before I knew it, I had made it safely to my exit. Hooray for Me! That is the power of meditation, a mind in the present moment, de-concentration, letting go and relaxing.